I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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