In the future we'll all be gay
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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