It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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