Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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