Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
