Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
