i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
