I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize