walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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