Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
