I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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