I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
