Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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