were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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