i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
