Dual....:-)
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
