Dual....:-)
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
