I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
How's work?
Spinning.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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