I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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