there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
