Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
