I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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