I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
