Is it normal to miss your booty call?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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