I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
