You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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