I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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