you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
