the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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