I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
