You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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