Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
