i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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