id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We got so high we made milksteak
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
