i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
