3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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