Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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