its not stalking. its research.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Randomize
