You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
