I wish I only lived at night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
