So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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