plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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