btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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