That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize