I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
