i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
