nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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