oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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