Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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