I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
