she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
