Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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