omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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