Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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