my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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