i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
