my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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