Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
COCAINE IS GR8
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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