Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Randomize
