Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize