I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
