do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
