if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm both gender and math confused
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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