You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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