Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
