It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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