I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
