News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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