your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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