Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
