Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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