listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
