Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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