We need to rekindle our bromance
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
