I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
