I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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