Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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