apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
