I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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