Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
