I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
