he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize