I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
