literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
