Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
