When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Holy shit dude........stairs
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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