shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
