24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
