Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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