So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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