You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
