Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize