More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish you could order shots online.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
