I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
do nipples grow back?
Randomize