you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
