when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
