just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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