farters have to be the big spoon...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
