one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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