sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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