He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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