i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize