So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
