is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
