Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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