dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
