Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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